my failures i stretch them thin cut it up and pound them to dust and blow them into the wind has anyone seen the umbrella? it’s raining and i don’t want to get drenched everyone is out lavishing in it and i’m hesitating again i stay and watch and wait i lose everything and laugh isn’t it curious how it all falls through? water through my fingers all of life like water through my fingers my failures now enriching the gardens of another my failures now causing allergies look at how they sneeze look it there mingling with the pollen i’m no longer searching for an umbrella i’m laughing a little too hard when i should be wailing but failing seems to be funny now how am i to live now? i find nothing serious enough to capture i find nothing interesting enough to strip myself and humiliate myself for i gather what’s left of my skirts and wander through the crammed streets and wander i will wondering about nothing anymore.
written while listening to: Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s piece, “Valse Sentimentale”and Sergei Prokofiev’s piece, “Romeo & Juliet: Act I, Scene XIII, Dance of the Knights” from this playlist:
i’ll cut out my heart when it’s of no use for you i’ll cut out my heart so it can be some use for you lead me to the seas of your desires and lay into me the saltiness of your years that have shadowed the best of your passions i’ll cut out my heart when it’s of no use for you i’ll cut out my heart so it can be some use for you where you drink the wine of my years and recoil at the staining of your sands but wonder of the rain where does it come from? and when will it end? i’ll cut out my heart when it’s of no use to me so it will serve some use for you and swim into the ocean swell the tides until all the blue merges and pull heaven down onto the beaches of your soul
written while listening to Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s piece, “Requiem Mass in D Minor, K. 626: III. Lacrimosa”
“come on sing me a lullaby lull my senses please me to pieces with words that honey not those sour words of yours” my sour words and my bloody hands playing with god and taunting death a sweet love? that sounds like something some thing that sugars the day but never truly satisfies the hunger only creates an obsession with satiety listen now to this song of mine that bows over metal strings of a heart that shrieks at the sight of someone pleading on their knees it only rouses the wildness of wanting to devour a heart whole and leave its bones of desire laying in the desert sun
written while listening to Camille Saint-Saëns’ piece “Danse Macabre”