At the Bottom of the Heart

“But city life sometimes takes away the ‘early dew of morning’. Still the longing for the ‘old, old story’ remains; whatever is at the bottom of the heart stays there”

Vincent Van Gogh
Portrait of Vincent Van Gogh by John Peter Russell. Vincent watches me while I write.

In the current age of self-branding I was trying to find a way to brand myself. Creating this site is a way to share what is passed over in the publishing sphere, and I wanted to give it a name. But the idea of branding myself caused me to look at myself as a product. I know in order to make it you gotta sell a little of your something right? I tried many names but my own because it didn’t feel right. I felt a little lost as to how to share what I create. I felt sad and useless, and deeply troubled with the notion of selling myself as a name, as a brand. I pushed writing aside for a while to reflect and dove into anything that pulled at my sensitivities. I rediscovered Vincent Van Gogh and delved a little further into his life. Feeling excited to have found my soul kin, I ordered his autobiography, letters to his brother Theo, his life in his own words. Sixteen pages in, and I found this quote and it struck me right in the heart. I knew what he meant. The naturalness of ourselves, the waking newness of ourselves in each day is robbed by the demands of a busy life. The city is tough on the soul, constantly demanding more us. And yet the longing for something simple, something our ancestors knew is there. At the bottom of the heart lies the fossils of the old, passed on through us. Right then and there I found what I wanted to name all of this. It feels fitting to me to name all my efforts as the early dew of morning- everything I create in spite of the demands, everything I hold dear and what gives me a sense of purpose. Whatever is at the bottom of my heart- the old stories, the histories, stay there like fossils waiting to be discovered in time.

So, what’s at the bottom of your heart?