a quick interlude

I came to write The Heart of a Nymph after revisiting Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke. “What is happening in your innermost self is worthy of your entire love, somehow you must find a way to work at it, and not lose too much time or too much courage in clarifying your attitude toward people” (Letter 6, p42). Something clicked and I took out my composition notebook and wrote it out. I was trying to dig something out that has been roaming around in me for awhile. An Ode to a Rugged Reality will start to roll out tomorrow to book end this August and be a companion to The Heart of a Nymph. It’s mostly inspired by Rilke’s sentiments to Kappus in his last letter, “I am glad, in a word, that you have overcome the danger of landing in one of those professions, and are solitary and courageous, somewhere in a rugged reality”. I wanted to explore what this rugged reality of mine looks like, to be a little more honest and honor it somehow. I was going to expand to 15 poems to fill the rest of the month instead of 7 but I couldn’t find it in me to and it didn’t feel right. I tend to give myself certain amount of lines, either 8 or 10. In the case of Ode to a Rugged Reality, I only gave myself 10 lines, if I can’t figure it in one chunk then I need to figure it out in the next. Or else I’ll just go on and on and on lol epic poems are great, I just don’t want to write one or I’ll never finish anything.

But anyways, thanks for reading, and I hope you are doing well in this rugged reality.

this creature i am

i plead with you
leave me this heart of mine
misunderstand me all you want
but leave this heart of mine
to do what she does
fine, fine i’ve learned the hard way
alone, i’m all alone
i swim the deepest seas
and drown curious men on a whim
this creature i am
will always be misunderstood
so i plead with you
leave me this wildish nature
life has tried to tame me
and made it all worse
i plead with you
leave this nymph alone

a repeated lesson

i’ve shed my heart over and over
and fed on others
stolen and offered
i’ve shed my skin over and over
to find the human within
i see it all
in ways i can’t describe
so i’ve shed many eyes
i’ve ripped and shed off many minds
and in their place
there i am again
a repeated lesson
learned from the stars
to feed from within
and burn through the cosmos
with grace

you lost your appetite

lit up eyes now lost
walking through the mazes
these hungry women scare you
nothing for you
and it seems that way
as you make your way
through different hearts
you sit at a table
and she eats it all
wooden legs and all
these hungry women scare you
and worst of all
you lost your appetite
now a fire that can’t be fed
simmers to cinders
walking through a maze
one of your making
i watch and feel your heart breaking
again and again
giving up is easy
but you’ll become this monster
you don’t want to be like me

an evening walk

it will never be enough
the path is just too long
but the sights, oh the sights

you will never be enough
this hunger ain’t human
nothing will ever satiate
no you’ll never be enough

walking along the roads
i sway to the sound of your breathing
i follow but i hide
i’m not looking but i can’t help it
i will never be done
i walk and walk
and swim within your mind

a little hunger

oh, here’s a heart
chamber by chamber
vein by vein
blood stained fingers
here i sit

oh, here’s a heart
a thump thump
a quick quick
a dull thud
as i sit

oh, here’s a heart
is it mine?
is it yours?
i took it out
from where?
i don’t know

oh, here’s a heart
and i’m the hungry thing
i take a bite
and remember your face

empty eyes light up

i stole your heart
and threw it away
i couldn’t see much in it anyway

i stole your heart
and you came to demand
to give it back
but honey, i don’t know where it went

i walked through the rivers
and swam through the seas
and somehow you managed
to follow me

i stole your heart
and threw it away
you didn’t have much in it anyway
i did you a favor, can’t you see?
now there’s the passion
now there’s your true beginning

you can imagine me all you want

this i say with words i made up-
i saw the sweetness of what you could be

and this i say with words i made up-
a love can never cement, it’s a brown thing
it’s soil

this i say, listen, i made this all up-
you can imagine me all you want
but the desert dried out for a reason
it remembers though that it was once a sea
it was once so full
fossilized memories never fade
they get stronger with time

i made this all up;
i remembered the potential of a sweetness
can cause an uncontrollable thirst
can dry it all out

a bad woman

you misunderstand me
i’m not a dream
real as flesh, real as real
but it never holds
in such a heart

i take what i can
with all i have
a bad woman
that doesn’t wait her turn

you misunderstand me
these words are bricks
and brick by brick
i wall over and under

real as flesh, real as real
bleeding when hurt
and my face will contort
i’m not some made up thing
a bad woman
who frowns when sad
a bad woman you will always misunderstand

is this romance?

memorize the movements of lovers
to muscle the memory
or memory the muscle
to a strange choreography

i’ll call whatever is not me, love
i’ll call all that i see not me, love

memorize the steps of lovers
follow and imitate like this
or imitate the following
waiting forever on a queue

i’ll call this love:
whatever i take, i’ll give it back
to someone else
i’ll call this love:
whatever is given to me
i’ll throw away