at the universe’s last ledge

at the edge of the edge
i couldn’t bring my toes to touch the end
at the edge of the edge
watching the ridges of mountains
and then with my hands
crinkled them between my fingers
at the edge of the edge
i couldn’t bring my body too close
at the edge of the edge
the waters static
the waters not giving off their usual fragrance
am i not real?
am i not breathing?
at the edge of the edge
an old man said
‘put your hands on god’s railing
and look down at the world’
but the world crumpled between my fingers
but the world made me feel unreal.

a discovery

within me something blue grows. spreads slowly. molasses in texture and speed. slowly, slowly. steady, steady. something blue grows within me. i swallowed the sky. the clouds evaporate through my pores. i’m blue- the ocean, the sky, the rain. blueness is newness and i’m blue, blue, blue. glug, glug, glug. i drink from my newly reformed wells. i painstakingly put them back together after the disaster that was heartbreak. brick by brick, stone by stone, my wells are newly formed. the waters have renewed themselves. i’m filling up to the brim but slowly, slowly blue molasses, sweetness has collapsed itself over me. something blue is growing and nothing gnaws within my soul any longer, its carcass driven away by the sea. i’m blue, so blue no longer sad. sadness is the shadow that used to follow me. now blue, from a seed, from something so small, landed within me. i am the sky, and the sea. the waters: rivers, waterfalls, bubbling brooks, all within me. something true is finally staying with me. tears are rains, and anger are thunderstorms; i now understand my atmosphere. blueness is newness and it grows within me. steady and slowly. i’m finally brand new. i have rediscovered me.

markings

walking through unpaved roads, the trees, yes the trees break the ground with their roots- I am here
pacing myself, watching the clouds, the scent of cinders linger in the air, like snakes the smoke slithers but dissipates and the feeling holds me- I am here
stopping in the middle of the middle, a breeze waltzes along and the leaves with their round of applause loosen the feeling- I am here
cinders and left over rain crawling between cracks of a newly formed universe, and my soul ignites- I am here

a performance for ghosts

undressed, water rushes, the soapy lather, the lather into the curves, the water, the river into the crevices, and the prick of the bubbles popping, the eyes they follow, your eyes they close, enjoying those eyes that follow everything that is yours.
too well, so scented in the honeysuckle creams, so nice, very nice, the skin glistens so clean. clean sheets, clean clothes, the day opens its curtains, those eyes that follow close themselves away from you. your eyes don’t sorrow and see those other eyes waving a goodbye, a good show a very good show, you are never shy.
open books, crumpled paper, pens and pencils too. lavender creeps in the corner, the sage rises in smoke. everything you are, records you keep but those eyes only want your show, this and that, those winding rhythms you learned just for show. deeply in your heart you wait and wait. for a pair of eyes that see you in every other way.
your woman isn’t a soirée, she’s a fleshed out half god, waiting, always waiting, for a love that never arrives.

too obscene

chunks of leaf bitten off
teeth stained green
and a smile
the bitter taste feels real
the bitter taste is real

slathering mud over the lips
the rain left you something to sieve
and in it you feel
and in it you are

sauntering over the evening
the dusk is only a kiss
and a smile
the sweet taste feels real
the sweet taste is real

where have they all gone?
the morning won’t dawn
and you’re left asking the green
for a dance but your human is too obscene

roving along

You ever looked real hard at the sky from a window from looking up outside walking about shaking loose the sorrow clinging like foam on the lips looking real hard and wondering if the sky is the sea the sea is the sky and if you drown will you fall from the sky again drop into another body and scream because you came back again and again and again just waiting to begin what you want to begin staring at the sky in anger real hard eyes like lasers yea I know I know I wipe the foam of sadness and trace my scowl lines with rosehip seed oil and stare real hard at my reflection I am the sky or am I the sea blue blue blue you ever looked at yourself real hard stared so long you could’ve sworn you smiled but you got scared cause that smile never came from you walking away is easy everyone just wants to play but the sky is the sea and sea is the sky too serious for anything but too dumb for those who tell you the sky is the roof the sea is the basement but we’re just roving along in the black jelly of space trying to find a center you will always seem to misplace stare at the clouds too long they become faces stare at the waves too long they grow arms but those faces just tease a conversation and they tell you to stay away from those arms and I have to agree I don’t want to keep coming back okay alright I’ll live until I can’t fine fine the world is whatever I say the world is whatever they can prove

to the end

Nothing looks like the smile of anything in happiness anymore chasing joy with its corona of glitter the angels assure blue and purple Michael is here but nothing looks like the smile of anything in happiness anymore the empty trappings of loneliness thieves the dollar that the heart charges to be gazed at pink and red Chamuel is here but I pass on love as the table is filled knick knacks and little figurines a couple of pomegranates and some oranges here lies her hand and here lies his legs but nothing looks like love anymore a dollar to charge to see the heart the world and its tokens amusement only those sad pathetic clowns nothing looks like the smile of anything in happiness anymore chasing joy like a sport and collecting the gold rings and when it hurts they spill over on the cement and didn’t you think that each transaction would be paid so dearly my heart runs and runs I run after my heart as the angels and the clowns and their distracting empty joys fill my periphery I run and run towards the edge of the world towards the end of the universe contemplating the warmth of a real honest embrace

green leaves

Green leaves green leaves and a temper simmering to a boil the hot water now calms the ache and the heart is trying to find where it put down its bag filled with the stones collected by the river cause lover loved someone else cause lover did not want such a melancholy love green leaves raining pink and red petals and a temper my temper turning into a tempest but it don’t upturn the trees I turn red in the cheeks and the churning makes me dizzy and what the hell is my heart doing collecting stones by the river I took the heavy bag and spilled the earth scented rocks onto a pile of green leaves and leaves blow now from the wind is my breath now the wind I’m huffing and puffing sighing in the trouble unloading these burdens why heart come back but she says my chest is a cage and now I have no heart I’m a heartless woman wandering the woods I make trouble to those that come by purposely making them more lost than they came my green leaves now yellow and dead now it only rains white fluffy feathers and a cloud came down to me to scold my emptiness says my chest is a prison says my mind has no key and where are my manners says where am I ending says where did I begin but my green leaves turned yellow my cheeks have sallowed I say have mercy my heart has run away from me I say I can’t love without this sadness and now my green leaves have turned yellow but they turned into vapors got me talking to air now I’m in waiting waiting for the leaves to turn green again and my heart will she return maybe I should collect the stones again I threw them in haste my heart is such a peculiar thing

Brian, I Know

The reflection staring back at me
Shattered just by a few words
Oh Brian the girl you knew
Left me at the turn of a corner

The sweetness licked clean
By the fires blazing from those eyes
Oh Brian people change
When they get bruised over and over again

Your heart may break
But mine rots within me
With the memories that won’t fade
But don’t cry Brian, don’t cry

You can find me in every sad gaze
The reflections of lightening over rivers
I move between the veils now
Oh Brian find me in your dreams tonight

Waterfall

Such sorrow tumbling down
Racing through the rubble of the past
Upturning the dust of dried blood
The scabs opening
And the sorrow pulling at the skin
Tumbling down through the hours
And the days turn to months
The months disappear through a mouth
A scream seething through the broken chest
Caging the heart that shrieks
A bird caught between the ribs
As the sorrow pummels through the ground
The soul unraveled in its wake
Such sorrow seeping in the dirt
Turning into a river, overflowing the lakes
Running towards the sea
And staining the ocean
What’s the color of sadness again?
Grey and blue
And the waters roll, tense and relax
Nothing out of the ordinary
Sorrow falling from me
No different than water crawling towards the sea