Three- Sorrow

1.

Move through the heartbreak
every sign says to look up
chin up and I remove my cover
the fresh air is not enough
in fact, it’s quite suffocating
I don’t want to breathe
but these lungs do what they like
the clouds sweep over a foggy blue
move through the heartbreak
the gashes themselves are an elixir

2.

Lean into the pain
sit and do what the ache demands of you
lean against the nothingness
sit and do what the ache demands of you
experience what it means to hurt
sit and do what the ache demands of you
soon enough it will tire
of wringing you like a rag between wrinkled hands

3.

Am I grieving?
is this grief?
is this sadness?
is this what strife feels like?
walking in the ruins of my making
but wait
I made all of this?
how could I have made such a mess?
when I could see fingerprints not of my own
when I could see that I would never cause myself such harm
when I saw the lightening
striking the tree in the storm

4.

I pluck the spikes off
and with it pierce the cactus
cupping my hand to receive a gift
I drink slowly
yes, yes, I am this mess
yes, yes, I have been set on fire
no, no I will not lay in the grave
no, no I will not go back and fix what broke

5.

I laugh as talks of reconstruction are whispered
I laugh as they seem to have medicine for me
I laugh as I continue in this desert
I laugh as I realize God is laughing with me
Oh, what is done will be done
I am walking away from ruin in search of the sea
I am a walking ruin is search for something else
use my wreckage as foundation?
l laugh and laugh
I’m in search for something new
nothing can’t be built
from what was meant to be destroyed

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